| My family moved to Madison, WI from Miami, FL 1
1/2 years after my father had passed away from cancer. I was only 13 when I
lost my dad, and that single event changed my life path completely and
continued to have its effect on my life throughout adulthood.
My father was an executive with Standard Oil, and we had spent our
formative years living in exotic places overseas. My siblings were born in
Egypt, and we moved from there to Cuba, then Trinidad, before ending up in
Florida where my father's intention was for his children to get a better
American education. The impetus for my mother to move to Wisconsin as a
widow with 3 teenagers was because, I believe, she was lost without my dad.
Rightly so, and the draw to her roots and relatives in the Midwest seemed
logical to her at the time. However, she soon realized that 'family' was
too busy with their own lives, and didn't have the time or interest to be
too burdened with us. After all, we hadn't been an integral part of their
lives, other than our summer vacation visits from overseas. No doubt, they
couldn't relate or understand how desperately my mother needed their
guidance.
We did have some time and help from family, but in the end result I don't
think it was enough for my mom in her situation. To top it all off, living
in the Midwest was the most foreign environment her children had ever
experienced. None of us really adjusted to the cold winters and ways of the
people there. We were treated like outsiders in High School; not realizing
that it was probably our worldliness that made most of them uncomfortable,
not because we weren't cool enough to be accepted. It is difficult for
teenagers when they have to struggle so hard to make friends and be
accepted, and it effects their confidence level when they strike out into
the world on their own.
I made the poor choice of going to a small state college, LaCrosse, after
graduation in 1969. It was like High School all over again! After two
years I had enough and packed my bags for the Hawaiian Islands to live on my
own at the ripe old age of 19. I was back home in my tropical surroundings,
and I was completely on my own. Looking back, I've often wondered how I
survived?
By the time I was 23 I was married and found us moving to California. I
stumbled into a career that has stayed with me the rest of my adult life. I
became a flight attendant with Western Airlines in Sept, 1976 @ age 25. I
was happy living in the Bay Area with my new friends when my husband turned
my life upside down surprising me with a move to San Diego for him to attend
law school. I ended up supporting him for 7 years which included 2 years
for his Bachelors degree, 3 years of Law School, and 2 more years of trying
to pass the Bar! He was mentally abusive, and his infidelity was the final
straw.
I escaped to Manhattan Beach with a few belongings in the trunk of my car,
sleeping on a friends couch to help me start my life anew. It wasn't long
before I was living in a cute 3 bedroom house with some other girls, my dogs
and cat. Life was good! I met a man that swept me off my feet, too soon
before I had recovered from my last relationship. I went from the pot into
the frying pan. Within 6 months I was moving to Seattle with him; not
knowing the journey that lay ahead of me. We married after 4 years, had my
only son 2 years later, and continued a relationship that lasted a total of
17 years. We had good times, but they were in between the bad times. I
lived on a rollercoaster of mind games, psychological abuse and control.
Things would get good for a long time, but they never lasted. I just
wouldn't give up on hope, and I was determined to have a family for my son
and I.
By the time my son was 10 years old we were separated; and after a 'war
of the roses' divorce I was able to transfer to the Salt Lake City base when
my station in Seattle closed. I have lived in the mountains in a country
settings one hour outside of Salt Lake City for 7 years now. My son is 20,
and has moved to California.
I have learned a lot during my lifetime, that would take a book to
write. I've realized that my poor choice of partners was not due to the fact
that they were like my father. The opposite was true of my dad. He was
like John F. Kennedy to me. Charming, charisma flowed out of him when he
entered a room, a great story teller, warm, loving, kind and honest. A very
intelligent man that sat with Kings and conversed with diplomats and the
like. What I finally realized was that I would pick men that wouldn't leave
me. When my father left me I was angry and devastated. Sadly, in my
generation children were not grief counseled. I didn't raise my standards
until recently, which I am happy to relate, and have found a decent kind man
to
share my life with.
I have had a love of horses since I was a child. I took riding lessons
growing up and would take any opportunity to get on a horses back. When I
was in Seattle I was introduced to Natural Horsemanship through Buck
Brannaman. Becoming involved in this approach to horses has changed, and
actually saved my life. It is about integrity, honesty, being fair and
real. My marriage was the complete opposite, a lie and a joke. The
contradiction was more that I could take. When my husband told me if I got
a horse I would get a divorce; I decided to take him up on the offer! I
traded in the hind end for the whole beast!
I am now the proud and happy owner of two Morgan horses that live with me
on my 5 acre ranch. I have been sponsoring Horsemanship Clinics here for
the last 4 years, and am presently getting ready to ride in a clinic with
Buck in late August. His Documentary Film, "Buck", just released in June
this year is receiving world wide acclaim; and I encourage every one to
experience it.
We all look back and think about the choices we made and the things we
wish we could have changed. It is good to look back, but only for a moment,
to learn and grow from our lessons in life. But I often say, if I could have
changed one thing, just one thing, what would that have been? Choosing a
partner that had the same belief system, a partner that believed in God and
cared about being a decent human being to others. I put God on the back
burner my entire life, and since I have changed that my life has turned
around. I know that he used the horses to finally get through to me.
I had many other interests and abilities that never got a chance to be
nurtured. I was a Drama major in College, and thought I could never live
without the theatre! My job as a flight attendant quickly put that fire out!
I considered being a make-up artist or architect with my gift to draw that I
have never given time or effort to. I had a love of plants; that drew me to
landscaping, a love of animals that made me think of veterinary medicine.
But I choose a life that required me to work full time and support my
partners much of the time, and then my son once we were safely on our
own.. However, I didn't give up on one dream, and it was the best one I
had. I spent most of my life thinking I could never have a horse, only
very rich people had horses, I thought! Well, being German, I'm pretty
determined. I bought my first horse at age 50!
So I close my story with one important thing to say; Never, Never give
up; and never give up on your dreams! |
